Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

The last few weeks have been full of workshops with discussions on how to lead in the new world. New paradigms, challenges and situations. I think if you read this newsletter, you have certainly considered adapting. But how has it been going?

In my book, I talk about your leadership energy being like a candle flame. Used well, you can light the way for others and provide warmth. Perhaps you can light fires in others to help them achieve their best. Misused, you can set things on fire or worse, burn people. This balance is crucial to avoiding the self-sabotage that often plagues leaders.

The idea of this little flickering flame also applies inside you. It needs balance to provide light and warmth (self-validation) but you don’t want it to be burning too bright and consuming energy for too long (burnout and frustration). Often, a fixed mindset or limiting beliefs can cause this flame to burn out of control.

And so the question turns to where is your energy being used? Are you burning bright or are you burning out through needless actions and thoughts which aren’t serving you? These are saboteurs for your style. We often see this manifest as procrastination or intense negative self-talk.

I came across this amazing tool called Positive Intelligence as I have been looking at this topic with leaders, and I wanted to invite you to gain some value. Understanding the The Self-Sabotage Cycle is key to breaking free from these patterns.

The first step is to take the free assessment (no affiliation or credit for me) to find out which are your saboteurs. I just think it’s a great way of gaining insight to start a conversation. (BTW – my top saboteur is The Stickler). This exercise builds personal accountability and encourages a growth mindset.

Once you get the report, you can understand the impact it might be having on your flame, and we can talk about how you are going to move past that. Taking personal responsibility for these thoughts is the first step toward overcoming cognitive distortion and building self-esteem.

While Positive Intelligence is a great tool, deep-seated self-sabotage can sometimes stem from imposter syndrome, perfectionism, or a profound fear of failure. If these behaviors are causing severe anxiety or depression, it may be helpful to explore cognitive behavioral therapy. Platforms like BetterHelp and Talkspace offer accessible ways to connect with professionals, and resources from the American Psychological Association can provide further guidance on managing negative self-talk and reclaiming your leadership energy.

Where to take this next

If your leaders second-guess themselves on the calls that matter most, that is friction in the system rather than a lack of effort. Take the Leadership Friction Finder (https://jblhighperformance.com/leadership-friction-finder) and see where the drag actually sits. It takes a few minutes.

If you would rather keep reading, here are more articles on leadership mindset.