Empathetic Leadership: A Practical Guide for Managers

Empathy enables you to know if the people you're trying to reach are actually reached. Without empathy, you can't build a team or nurture a new generation of leaders. You will not inspire followers or gain their trust. And therefore you are limiting your own results. Also called "vicarious introspection," empathy is commonly described as the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes. My mentor and good friend Robyn told me that,

"The key thing to remember here is to ensure you are assessing how they would feel in their shoes, not how you would feel in their shoes."

This is the tricky part of empathetic leadership.

What is the Benefit of Empathetic Leadership?

Empathy is a force of energy that enables you to see and understand the world from another's perspective. This enables you to not only manage the business but the way people approach work. It opens your eyes to unexpected opportunities and builds relationships.

According to research by Harvard Business Review, people who have empathetic leaders in their organisation outperform teams with less empathetic leaders by 77%. Further findings show:

• 68% feel that the actions of their leaders are aligned with their needs.
• 61% feel that they are listened to and that their contributions matter.
• Those who feel involved in key decisions perform at a higher level.

In a study by Harvard Business School, groups where the boss showed warmth were 25% more likely to succeed in the marketplace than those with someone else in charge. This is the power of human-centred leadership in action.

The business case does not stop there. Warwick University research found that happier workers were 12% more productive, while unhappier workers were 10% less productive. Gallup research states that workers who feel engaged are up to 21% more productive, and businesses with high engagement outperform the profitability of their peers by up to 3X. McKinsey research reports that the number one reason people leave their jobs is because they don't feel like anyone cares about them. Empathy is not a soft extra. It is a direct driver of retention, productivity and results.

What Does a Lack of Empathy Look Like?

To start developing empathy, pay close attention to your own behaviour. Look for these three characteristics in the relationships you form:

• Self-centredness. You may feel that you are the centre of the universe. You are unaware of what your loved ones feel or are going through. You are not attuned to their feelings.
• Entitlement and arrogance. You may often put yourself first. You may feel entitled. You may be thought of as overbearing or arrogant. You may be removed from the present situation because you are stuck in your own head and can't really see the whole picture.
• Difficulty relating to difference. You may have difficulty relating to people who are different from you. You may find it challenging to empathise with people of a different culture, religion, or race. You may feel uncomfortable because of your own sense of superiority. This can be a significant barrier to diversity and inclusion.

These are difficult things to admit to yourself and often many people only become aware of them when they receive feedback or a 360 report. They are things every leader has to be aware of and overcome to be effective though. This awareness is a critical part of growing as a leader.

How Can You Deal with a Low Level of Empathy?

Very successful business leaders are often extremely fast information processors. They don't "suffer fools gladly," and often derail their subordinates because they have already considered multiple courses of action, their pros and cons and possible consequences before their subordinates come to them.

I recommend taking a moment to deploy a bit of empathy here. What is behind a colleague's wish to propose what immediately looks like a dumb idea? Don't shoot them down. Instead, reaffirm them for seeing a possibility you hadn't selected and perhaps working through a pressure-testing exercise to see if it would or could work. I have been amazed in my years by the power of slow thinkers outperforming fast thinkers because they see things fast thinkers don't, and also the power of a bit of affirmation in building trust.

If you're not sure where your team is on this journey, it may help to try and create some empathy by walking around and talking to them. Stay in the present moment and pay attention to your own body and mind as well as listening to what others are saying. This active listening is a cornerstone of servant leadership.

While empathy is essential, it is not easy. In the beginning, it may feel like walking on eggshells. Every word you utter might be uncomfortable. You might find yourself saying something and immediately wondering "Why did I say that?" Embracing vulnerability in these moments is key to building psychological safety.

Being without empathy is a different perspective. It is a fact that we all have little moments that prompt us to question if we're actually being effective as leaders or team members. One such time might have been when you had a week full of meetings and no one came to you with a concern.

Try to think about the things that your team might be struggling with or excited about and talk to them about those. See if you can help in any way. Showing compassion here is a hallmark of empathetic leadership.

How Can We Show Empathy? Some Simple Examples

Support the Whole Person

The lines between work and home are more blurred than ever. Accept that people will mostly be giving more, so offer support when they have personal issues and remember what they have going on at home. One project I worked on with an American company focussed on helping leaders really know what is going on for their people outside of work that they have to deal with to even make it to work, let alone do their work.

Be Present

When conversing or interacting, refrain from multitasking or using your phone. Being elsewhere demonstrates that you don't think they are important to you. And this lack of empathy about how they might feel undermines trust.

Practise the 93% Rule

Dr Albert Mehrabian from UCLA discovered that when we are discussing emotions, feelings, and attitudes, words are only 7% of the message people receive. The vast majority, the other 93%, is in the tone of our voice and body language. Be aware that this works both ways and they are receiving your 93% too. This ties closely to the concept of emotional intelligence.

Give People Their Time

Do not interrupt, interject, or dismiss the thoughts and opinions of others. Listen and try to actually hear what is being said, beyond the words they are using.

Help Your Team Know You Care

Most leaders actually do care. It's just that employees often don't feel cared about. You can redress this by asking: "What's happening for you at the moment? How are you feeling? What's important in your world right now?" Understand what they care about in terms of their commitments and aspirations, and show empathy and support for that. According to the team behind the Workforce Survey, emotional and poignant milestone experiences make people feel 81% more valued and 77% more engaged. If you get these things right when they matter, the upside is significant.

Remember the Stories They Tell

Paying attention to small things happening in their lives, both good and bad, really helps people to feel seen. When you remember the details and mention them again, people feel noticed. You might ask how their kid's sports event went, their spouse's interview or whether their pet is recovering. All of this is kindness in action, and it builds the kind of trust that no performance framework can manufacture.

Celebrate Wins and Work Together on Challenges

Every team has a mix of wins and losses. When the wins come, celebrate together and call out those people who made a difference. When the losses come, accept the responsibility of the loss but work as a team to learn for next time. The kindness here comes from not throwing your team under the bus when things go wrong, but instead using the opportunity to build connection. From adversity comes strength.

A Specific Case: Empathy When Someone Is Learning Something New

One situation where empathy is tested more than most is when a team member is learning something completely new. We all have a tendency in a busy world to expect people to get up to speed quickly, hit the ground running and not drop the ball. However, learning genuinely new skills takes time, and the neuroscience backs this up. We tend to use the neural links that already work well for us, further reinforcing them. Creating new paths is difficult and often tiring. Don't let this frustrate you. Here are three practical ways to approach it with more compassion.

Accept That They Will Be Slower Than You Would Like

People learning something completely new are experiencing their brain re-wiring itself to link pieces of information that have never been connected before. Try to find alternative ways to explain concepts more simply. Frame things differently, use metaphors, diagrams or whatever it takes to help them see through the haze. Give them sufficient time to build the foundations of their new knowledge before moving to the next level of complexity. A house built on a rocky foundation won't survive the first tremor. Help them isolate the most important information to learn first. They will fill in the gaps as they go.

Recognise That They Are Likely as Frustrated as You

Nobody wants to do something badly, and people who are struggling with a new task will most likely be uncomfortable with not being good at it, especially if they are normally a high performer. Your frustration will not help and may damage the relationship. Focus on helping them break the learning process into smaller pieces and compliment them on what they do well to keep momentum. Cognitive studies have shown that we can only focus for about 40 minutes at any one time, and that sustained pressure actually degrades performance. Encourage them to take sufficient time to replenish themselves with good food, sleep and company. Burning the midnight oil is not helping them learn.

Anticipate the Pressure on Yourself and Manage It Proactively

Demands on you may stack up because they are not yet delivering at full capacity. Anticipate this. Have the conversations you need to have to manage your own workload. Be open and honest with key people in your world before surprises become issues. Being mature about this protects both you and the person you are supporting.

Why is Empathetic Leadership Important to Work On?

Empathy is the key to creating a culture of respect, meaning that as leaders we must model respect for each person on our team. People need to feel that they can trust their leader, and we can often find it in their eyes when they feel that we understand who they are. This is the essence of empathetic leadership and a key driver of leadership effectiveness and influence.

Empathy also empowers individuals to take ownership of their work. One key thing I see happening in offices all over the world is a lack of collaboration between employees. People are competing for resources and therefore are focused on their work, and work, alone.

So don't be fooled by your analytical mind. Make time to develop your empathy skills. Investing in this area will pay dividends.

Continuing the Journey

Growing as an empathetic leader requires continuous effort and honest self-reflection. Resources like the Center for Creative Leadership, books such as Dare to Lead, Leaders Eat Last, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, The Empathy Edge, and The Culture Code, provide valuable frameworks for enhancing your emotional intelligence. By practising active listening and showing compassion, you build trust and psychological safety within your team. Whether you practise servant leadership or another style, embracing vulnerability and fostering diversity and inclusion will ultimately strengthen your effectiveness and influence.

If your managers avoid the human conversations and problems surface too late, that is friction in the system rather than a lack of effort. Take the Leadership Friction Finder and see where the drag actually sits. It takes a few minutes.

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