3 Compassionate Ways to Approach People Who Are Learning Something New

It happens to us all. At some point, we have to learn something new, and all those experiences, skills, and mental models we have relied on to get us through previously just don't work. In fact, we know from neuroscience and preference-based models like HBDI that we tend to use the neural links which work well for us, further reinforcing them. So, when we learn something new, creating new paths is difficult and often tiring.

That is what I have been experiencing daily for the last few weeks. I have signed up for intensive Spanish classes whilst running my business. I can honestly say that the last time I learned a language I was still in school; and I still don't speak great English—let alone anything else. The experience prompted me to think about how this frustration and mental fatigue can occur for someone who is struggling when they learn something new, whether at work or elsewhere, and how we all can be kinder rather than getting frustrated with them.

The Expectation vs. Reality of Skill Development

We all have a tendency in a busy world to expect people to:

• "get up to speed quickly"
• "hit the ground running"
• "not drop the ball"

The fact that there are three business bingo phrases specifically related to it kinda reinforces the point to me. However, self-improvement and lifelong learning take time. Here are some challenges and kinder approach suggestions you may wish to adopt.

Challenge 1: Accept That People in This State Are Going to Be Slower Than You May Like

People learning something completely new are experiencing their brain re-wiring itself to link pieces of information that have never been connected before. Imagine a person with a severed spinal cord having to learn to walk again. It takes this kind of effort to create new neural paths. Don't let this frustrate you—try to help them.

Idea 1: Try and find alternative ways to explain concepts more simply. Frame things differently, use metaphors, diagrams, videos—whatever it takes to help them see through the haze. Also, importantly, give them sufficient time to build the foundations of their new knowledge before moving to the next level of complexity. A house built on a rocky foundation won't survive the first tremor. Also, try to help them isolate the most important information for them to learn first each day. Do they need to know everything about a topic, just the risks, standard procedures, or what in particular? They will fill in gaps as they go.

Whether someone is taking online courses on platforms like LinkedIn Learning, Skillshare, Duolingo, or Brilliant.org, or participating in massive open online courses (MOOCs), the cognitive load of learning something new online remains the same.

Challenge 2: They Will Most Likely Be as Frustrated as You, If Not More!

Nobody wants to do something badly, and people who are struggling with a new task or skill will most likely be uncomfortable with not being good at this particular thing. Especially if they are normally a high performer. You getting frustrated isn't going to help and may cause an overflow of emotions that could damage your relationship.

Idea 2: Focus on helping them break the learning process down into smaller pieces and compliment them on what they do well to help them keep momentum. Encourage them to take sufficient time to replenish themselves with good food, sleep, and company. Cognitive studies have shown that we can only focus for about 40 minutes at any one time, and that continued long-term performance demands actually degrade performance. So the burning of the midnight oil isn't helping them learn. Compliment them on what they've achieved that day and talk about where they are at in the context of the bigger picture. Agree what you would like them to focus on tomorrow based on progress today.

Many people who want to learn something new or are looking for the best websites to learn something new often overlook the importance of rest and mental recovery in their self-improvement journey.

Challenge 3: You May Be Under Extra Pressure Whilst They Are Learning

Demands on you may stack up because they are not delivering at full capacity yet. We often find that situation with someone who isn't quite up to speed that our boss, partner, or team lean on us to pick up the slack. This in turn can impact on us, causing greater frustration and fatigue on our part.

Idea 3: Anticipate this. Have the conversations you need to have to manage your own workload. Be mature in explaining that you have a person you are working with who is learning a lot and therefore you will be spending time with them in conjunction with whatever you normally do. Be open, honest, and remove surprises from occurring with any key people in your world before they become issues.

Embracing the Lifelong Learning Journey

These are just three challenges and ideas that can occur when you have a new learner in your midst. Taking some human compassion, kindness, and awareness of what they are going through will definitely help. Whether you are supporting a colleague, a friend who is exploring the best websites to learn something new, or someone taking steps to learn something new online, remember that skill development is a marathon, not a sprint. Approaching lifelong learning with empathy makes the journey much easier for everyone involved.

Where to take this next

If your managers keep having the same coaching conversation and nothing changes, that is friction in the system rather than a lack of effort. Take the Leadership Friction Finder and see where the drag actually sits. It takes a few minutes.